Life Hack: Vulnerability

My eyes watered as I got in my car…

… then I exhaled.

I recently gave a talk on the topic of “Inclusion”. As a non-dualist, to me all things are ultimately one, even what seems opposite of each other, so I started by talking about “division”.

How?

With the picture above. Me, about 3 years old. Born to a Black, Floridian, Democrat Mother and a Spanish, New Yorker, Republican Father division lives within my DNA. In addition, I have no memory of them getting along.

For the first time, I stood in front of strangers and publicly told the story of never feeling like I fit in. Being told I “talk white” from my extended family on my Black side. Having my nose squeezed by a family member on my Spanish side because it was “too flat and round”. And then going into the world and being mocked because they didn’t know “what I was”. Except to the police, by the time I was a teen, I was just Black to them.

Somewhere during the talk my typical excitement of doing my job turned into feelings of somber. Seeing the audiences faces as I told story after story reminded me to hear it from the outside. To imagine how I’d feel if I heard a toddler was being treated like that.

My talk ends on inclusion being the breath of division. When we see our differences as a beautiful part of nature, division becomes dynamism.

After that, while talking with some of the attendees, a man walked up to me. He was tall, middle aged, and had a natural build that looked like he could flip a car if he wanted. Then, he shook my hand I noticed such kind and gentle eyes, he spoke lightly but with intention and thoughtfulness and said “I am so moved by your talk, this is one of the best talks I’ve ever heard.”

I had been standing there, raw in emotion, a bit insecure about if my talk was “okay”, only to be rocked with such a compliment. My goodness I was moved! But what really came in like a gust of wind was that my vulnerability showed and that was what resonated.

My story is tough, for sure. But if I told it through the lens of anger, or championing my past with my fists at my hips and chest out, or from a revolutionary “lets fight back” standpoint, it wouldn’t have landed. I affected someone because I was honest at how I was affected. In these very divisive times everyone is wanting to be in control, wanting to be strong, wanting to be right…I want to be real.

And you should too. You’ve known at least one person who held their struggles in and you probably saw what that did to them. Give yourself permission for vulnerability. If hurt people hurt people, then healed people heal people.

If that man ever reads this, thank you for taking 10 seconds of your life to change the entirety of my life. I was overwhelmed with honor, but maintained cordial conversations until I said goodbye to everyone. As I was walking in the parking lot, I was overcome with joy. My eyes watered as I got in my car… then I exhaled.

C.

Trump is President: Keep calm, but your hair is on fire.

The world won’t end, though it might suck for a while.

                  **Note: This article examines Trump’s effect from a POV that is:
                        • Fact-based

                        • Interested in the social collective

                        • Symbolic

                        • Reviews historic resilience

Donald J. Trump is our President….fuck. 

As a musician, I do not want to watch 4 years of the “walrus”, that double-fist-jerking motion dance he does anytime music is played. You know the one I’m talking about.

But really my dread is that as a public speaker, I understand the importance of language and its effect on people.  Words are the candlelight to the cave of our psyche, and this guy has historically poured gasoline all over the cave walls. He’s called women ‘pigs’, ‘ugly’, diminishes them by his opinion of their looks, and at least 84 other things. He’s generalized Mexicans coming across the border as ‘murderers’ and ‘rapists’. He managed to deliver a two-fer by telling John R. O’Donnell, the former president of Trump Plaza Hotel & Casino  “I have black guys counting my money… I hate it…. The only guys I want counting my money are short guys that wear yarmulkes all day.”  And that “Laziness is a trait in blacks. It really is, I believe that”. Not to mention always attacking anyone who disagrees with him, instead of realizing he could be wrong, or that people see life differently. 

But what is most effectively poisonous to our society is his inherit Trickster Archetypal style of talk, a framework where he speaks broadly or in absolutes, and then negatively, which leaves room for interpretation… so:

1. His supporters fill in the blanks with their distrust for people not like them (some call that hate, I call it fear-based assumptions).

2. His opponents lose their shit because of what it insinuates.

3. Then he can back out anytime and say, “I didn’t say that”.

4. Leaving us divided. 

This trick is OLD. Over a thousand years ago the Yoruba culture in Africa told the story of “Eshu”, who walked between two villages with a hat painted blue on one side and red on the other. Later that night two men from each village brought up the man and started to fight over the color of the hat. The fight spread to their respective villages. After a while, Eshu was found and he showed them his hat stating, “Spreading strife is my greatest joy”. 

I’m always blown away by how many times I see myths recreated in life. The “Trickster” archetype is a figure that usually makes us question and often shift the choices that we took for granted. (Look at how many Republicans supported Kamala, like Dick Chaney. Darth Vader himself got up from his Haliburton funded lair which probably had someone tied up to some train tracks and voted for her.) 

It’s also an umbrella title with many sub characters under, such as “The Jester,” “The Comedian”, “The “Clown”. Considering Trump paints his face in bronzer, and colors his hair red, it’s not a stretch to guess where he lands. Take this info as you please, but know this is part of a long story in human history, from Hermes in Greek history to Sacha Baron Cohen. So, Trump may be a blip, but how do we limit the damage of his time in office since that blip is important to our lives in the here and now?
            This is where the beauty of Democracy comes in because the more I learn about the self-righting mechanism of America, the more I realize we are bound for more and more resilience, thus transcendent evolution. We have 3 branches of government comprised of over 500 disagreeing politicians, so we don’t make stupid decisions quickly, so we will have more time to intervene. Of course there are downsides to this (like everything), but here I’m shining a light on the power that will still rest in us: the People. And considering the record number of new registrants and early voter turnout, it’s safe to say we understand that WE have the ability to limit the damage done by this man and his supporters. Consider the following options: 

• Start getting interested in your local laws and representatives. A simple call to your elected official can bring much change. Also, you can download a PDF of ANY law brought to the floor or passed, upload it into ChatGPT and ask it to summarize it in simple English for you.  

• VOTE with your money. Small businesses and companies that support your beliefs. I use this site to find companies that care for their employees in pay, health and equality, make sure their shareholders have good intentions, and are working towards cleaning the environment 

• Download the app “Goods Unite Us” for a list of the companies and which party their dollars go to.

• Let go of your cynicism. It’s boring and it’s limiting you. Click this link here to all the amazing progress we have in the world today, sourced and data given. Let this inform your thoughts and actions. 

• Share this article with the data and your findings with others. We REALLY can do this together.

This is going to be a long 4 years; you know it and I know it. But a silver lining from this crazy divisive man is that we got to see a woman stand up to him, maintain her integrity and bring people together that otherwise wouldn’t have. If each of us can personify that in our daily life, then she was only the beginning.

That is how you make America great.